Type A vs. God!!

I am a type A personality, and I will admit it. I am a Leo, don't need to be the center of attention, but I need to know what is going on and how I can make things better. I may even be slightly OCD. I have a need to have a black & white world. Either it is, or it isn't, simple, clean, and easy. I know that life isn't always like this, but it is the way I like it.

In the dating world I have learned that black & white is best, either I like you and want to see what will happen, or I don't and I will be honest about it and pray that you will find your perfect someone. This is life. However, the Lord has been clearly showing me recently that no matter how much I want a simple life, that just isn't his plan for me right now.

I am used to uncertainty in the dating world. The Lord has shown me that over and over again. I have been on the other side of guys who are "just not that into me" and can't be honest about it. Although I still don't like gray in the dating scene I understand it and have learned that it really is in the Lord's hands. Knowing that I also know that he loves me more than any man here on earth will, and I'm OK with that, because it is BLACK & WHITE!!

However, the rest of my world has turned gray this week and as hard as I am trying to trust, trying to pray, and reminding myself that his plan is a good one because he loves me, I am still struggling!

I have been looking forward to my friend Sonny coming to visit for Easter. Sonny is like my little brother. I love him like a brother. We usually only get to see him for a long weekend every year because he lives down south and is super busy. However, this was the first year that I didn't have to work and could really spend a lot of quality time with him. He was going to run my first 5K with me, we had planned a night out w/ everyone, and a bunch of just hanging together. Also, this was the first year I could share my faith over this wonderful holiday. Sonny is a Christian, but this was a part of his life that I never shared and I was soooo happy that I could finally share faith with him. Sonny was supposed to fly up from Georgia today, but due to circumstances he missed his flight this morning. He spent all day in the Atlanta airport on stand by trying to get here. All day I prayed and I knew that he would get here. Every time my phone went off today, I silently said a mini-prayer before looking at it, hoping for good news.... the news only went from bad to worse. Sonny is not coming :(  I know that this is a test of my faith. I KNOW that this is part of the Lord's plan, and for some reason Sonny was not meant to be here. I don't understand it, I don't like it, and my Type A is NOT happy that all the plans are out the window. More than anything I am scared. I am scared to my core not knowing when I will get to see Sonny again. Will I have a job then & not be able to see him? Or God forbid, what if something bad happens before I get to see him again? I am completely torn. I want to accept it and I WANT so badly to have faith in the plan, but I am filled with a fear that I am having trouble shaking.

I am sure that the Lord has something big and wonderful planned this weekend for everyone involved. There is a Good Friday service tomorrow at 12 that I had been wavering on going or not going, I know now that I NEED to be there. There is also an Evensong service tomorrow night that I will make sure to be at, Evensong is always uplifting and wonderful so I'm sure tomorrow will be even better. Saturday is the 5K, I will still run it, and I will push myself harder than ever. And Sunday will be Easter. Sunday I will go to church and I will celebrate the Savior Risen and how miraculous his love for us is.

I know that the Lord must have had plans for Sonny and that Sonny not being here was his doing. I know that he loves all of us and that everything that has happened has happened in a love that is bigger and broader than I will ever understand. I am praying that he will help me to overcome  my "Type A" and just be a trusting, following disciple.

Type A= 0
God= 1

Lord Grant me
the Serenity to accept the things I can not change,
the Courage to change the things I can,
and the Wisdom to know the difference.