I have always enjoyed writing as a way of clearing my head and answering my own questions... recently more and more of my friends have been blogging, so I thought maybe this would be a good idea to try....
For those of you who don't know me, a little bit of background may help to clarify the blog title...
I grew up in an Italian/Irish Catholic household. I am the oldest of 3 kids, who were all baptised, communed, and were confirmed in the Catholic church. After confirmation we all walked away from the church. I can't speak for my brother or sister, but I can say for me that there were too many questions that I had about the faith, that no one could answer. I also had a big issue with the amount of money the church was continuously looking for and pushing for.
About 7 years ago, my little brother, Jimmy, joined the United States Marine Corps. After 9-11 Jimmy set his sites on the Marines and never looked back, he wanted to be the best of the best. He served his first tour of duty in Kuwait & Iraq. When he came home he was injured in a training accident and almost died. After the accident, a very good friend of his invited him to a Christian Church called Freedom Worship Center, in Jacksonville, NC. Jimmy fell in love with this church and became very active in the community.
At this point in time I was working full time (and more than full time most of the time), I was also engaged to a man who I thought I would spend the rest of my life with. Jimmy tried to talk to me about his faith, and he tried to show me the light, and I laughed. I didn't have time, and since when is God interested in our lives? Why would he care about me? I wasn't anything special, I wasn't a nun, I wasn't clergy. God wouldn't listen to me, so why should I care what he thought of me?
Jimmy met a wonderful Christian woman (Becca), and got engaged. He then left for his second tour of duty. This tour was all over the world on a Marine Expeditionary Unit (MEU). When he came home his wedding was planned, and it was before mine. I had pushed my wedding back to ensure he could be there for it, and he planned his wedding before mine! I was soooo angry and hurt I didn't even have words for it. I didn't go with the family for his homecoming, and when we spoke later on that week, we got into a big fight. He didn't understand why, and didn't care that I was hurt and angry.
Two weeks after our fight, with no conversation in between, my brother passed away. He, and a very good friend named Sonny, were moving Becca from school in DC, back home to NC so that Jimmy & Becca could start their life together. On the drive back, Jimmy and Sonny both fell asleep. Jimmy was driving when the truck they were in drifted of the road and hit a tree. The internal injuries were too much for Jimmy to take.
The next week was chaotic, we had the services here in NJ, and EVERYONE came. In the mean time, my fiance and I had been having some troubles. I was losing a lot of wait, he was getting jealous, and I wasn't really doing anything to help him through it. The week we lost Jimmy I was in full family mode, I was cooking, cleaning, organizing, and doing whatever I could for the family. It was all too much for my fiance to take and we broke up less than 3 weeks later (after much fighting and soul searching).
Within a month I lost my little brother, my fiance, and my life. Why should I trust God? He was obviously not there for me, or Jimmy. Jimmy trusted him, followed him, loved him, and yet he turned his back on Jimmy. If God wasn't there for a disciple like Jimmy, then he obviously couldn't care about me.
That is where my "journey" started... I have no idea where it will end, but I do know that it is and will continue to be an adventure, full of wonderful people, and some not-so wonderful ones too. I know that I will make mistakes along the way, and (without ruining the plot line) I know that the Lord has lighted this path and no matter how much I may not like it, this path will ultimately be a good one.
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