The last two days I feel like I am following the breadcrumbs back through the woods to get home and I am feeling much more like myself and less lost everyday.
Yesterday our Pastor, Christian, preached on the letter to the church in Laodicea in the book of Revelations. This was the seventh in a sermon series where he has looked at each of the letters. This one hit HARD!!! After church, a bunch of us went out to lunch (as always) and a very good friend of mine suggested that I read a book called Knowing God by J. I. Packer. I honestly thought I would pick it up, and breeze through it.. I was WRONG. I have started reading this book, and it is hitting me HARD!! These have challanged me to look at where I am in life and in my relationship with the community around me, and most impartantly where I am in my relationship w/ God.
In this Easter season, I feel, like no other time in my life, that I have SOOO much to be thankful for, and for the FIRST time, the thing I am MOST thankful for is LOVE. No, not external puppy dog love, not lust, not familial love, but true, body warming, internal, spiritual LOVE!!! For the first time in my life, I am looking at my faults, my sins, my unworthiness, and I KNOW that through all of that, God loves ME, and Jesus has taken all of my hurt, my pain, my sins, my unworthiness upon himself so that I CAN receive that love.
This newly realized love inspired me to do something today that I have been avoiding, and hiding from for almost 4 years. Before Jimmy passed away, he won an Indiana Guitar company red acoustic guitar, signed by the members of Mercy Me, Story Side B, and NeverTheLess. For those of you who don't know (I didn't know the last 2 until today), look them up, they are all Christian rock bands, and they are pretty good! (Who am I kidding? Mercy Me ROCKS). The guitar has been sitting in Jimmy's closet since he passed. I asked my parents if I could have it years ago, and it has been in the closet waiting for me. For a while now, I thought of doing a focal wall in my room, with the guitar in the middle, and crosses around it, kind of random & fun.
However, as has been a lot of my life, it was all talk. I was scared to do it, so I made excuses, no time, no space, etc. Now that I've had time, I kept putting it off, do I deserve to have the guitar, can I actually put it up, without having it fall off the wall and break? I now have no questions!! I decided that today was the day! I prayed about it a lot this morning, and this afternoon, I just went for it.
For those of you who don't really know me, one thing you should know about me is that I am NOT handy, not even close & not in any sense of the word. I can't even nail a proper nail! Forget power tools!! But with prayer (and I think Jimmy pitching in a little too) I got it done. I used the power drill & the stud finder; and I hung the guitar, with TWO guitar arms, and then I started hanging the crosses. (Mini sales pitch- if you haven't tried Monkey Hooks, go buy them... NOW. They are for hanging things in dry wall.. SOOOOOO easy strong!) It took me most of the afternoon to get the wall, and the pictures on the dresser below, put all together. But, when I took a step back and looked, I felt a huge weight lifted off my shoulders, a huge rush of emotion, and tears.
This love is greater than anything earthly. It is completely unexplainable, and completely sustainable at the same time!! I keep saying that I am SOOO blessed, but that is the understatement of the year. No matter what I want (to write this blog, to find "the one", to settle down), NONE of that matters. The Lord has been giving me everything that I need (at the right time) in life to be happy, he has given me more love than I could ever ask for here on earth. My wants don't matter, and my needs have been met!! Life has never been better for me.
This week should be a true joy! Sonny (my adopted little brother) is coming to visit for a long Easter weekend, there is a Good Friday Service and Evensong service on Friday that I am very exited for, I am running (or walking) my first 5K on Saturday, and then Easter is on Sunday.... SUCH BLESSINGS!!!
No comments:
Post a Comment