How will you be remembered?

This is my Great Uncle Billy... He was my Grandmother's brother... He passed away on July 2nd, and yesterday was his memorial service.

I don't have a lot of vivid memories of Uncle Billy. The only vivid memories I have are from a bbq at his house in Neptune. I remember Uncle Billy saying "get me a beer", and a beer showing up. I also remember the garden by the driveway, the recliner and shag carpet inside. The thing I remember the most vividly was the TON of clams and the pot of melted butter.

This doesn't surprise me... Grandma's FAVORITE food was always steamer clams. There were a lot of similarities between Uncle Billy and my Grandmother. They were both extremely strong, stern (in their own ways), and loving (in their own ways), but above all they were strong. They held their families together and kept their families pushing through, no matter what.

Today's memorial and the events of the past week have had me thinking a lot about how I will be remembered when I pass. (Don't worry, I'm not planning on going any time soon, but you never know.) I have been wondering how people will remember me, and how other people thought they would be remembered, as well as how we REALLY remember those we love after they pass. How do we want to be remembered? Is that how we will be remembered? Is that how the Lord will see us?

Three of Uncle Billy's seven children spoke at the service today. Each one of them spoke from the heart, and each of them struggled to show Uncle Billy in a "good light". They all remembered his strength, but they also remembered his sternness, his toughness, how closed minded he was, and his inability to relax and enjoy life (until his later years). During the sermon the priest spoke about how Uncle Billy was saved by his savior. I got to thinking; I don't think I ever heard of Uncle Billy going to church (except for weddings and funerals).

Through all this I kept thinking and wondering if that was how Uncle Billy wanted to be remembered? I remember Uncle Billy as the type of man who made things happen, an "actions speak louder than words" kind of man. I think the true remembrance is in his family. All of his 7 children are strong willed and wonderful adults. His 13 grandchildren have also begun to show the strong willed and stubbornness that Uncle Billy was known for. Because of Uncle Billy, his family will be able to hold their heads high and know that they have the ability to stand up for what they feel is right, stand against injustices, and conquer anything they put their minds to.

Jimmy is remembered as a brother, son, friend, lifeguard, swimmer, drummer, Marine, and goofball. But when I sat and thought about it, and prayed about it, I really think he would have rather been remembered as a servant.  Jimmy spent his life helping those around him, even before he started following the teachings of Jesus Christ. Jimmy loved those around him and always did whatever he could to cheer up those around him. I know that we all have special memories of Jimmy, but I think he would want to be remembered as a servant of Christ and Christ's message.

That lead me to the question of how I want to be remembered.... Recently a few people (at different times) have told me that I have a "servant's heart". That simple statement has brought such joy and conflict to my heart. It makes me so happy because I want nothing more than to do whatever I can to help those around me in whatever way I can. However, it also weighs heavy on my heart, because it is an honor I don't deserve. I don't do a lot, I'm not an inspiration, I  don't do anything special, I haven't saved a life, or pulled anyone out of trouble. I don't feel like I follow the Lord as I should and I want to be a better Christian, a better witness of Jesus's love and God's compassion. I want to really make a difference and help people!! I pray that the Lord will continue to guide me and continue to bless me with his love and grace. I pray that I will find a job that will allow me to do more to help people. I pray that his will is for me to be a blessing to those around me in any way that I can be. I honestly don't care how the people here on earth will remember me. I pray that I can show everyone I meet at least a little bit of God's love and I pray that they will show that love to someone else and pay it forward, that is what I hope and pray for, that I be forgotten but that the love I showed live on.

Time to get Serious!!!

I have struggled with my weight all my life. I was never an "average" size girl. The last time Jimmy saw me I was 252 pounds:

In March 2007 I has gastric bypass surgery.... I rapidly started losing weight, and over the course of about a year I lost exactly 100 pounds... down to 152!!!

I felt good. I looked good (this picture doesn't do it justice, but I'm HORRIBLE at taking good pictures). But I was happy and healthy. I really wanted to get down to 132, but I was ok at 152.......

Slowly but surly over the last 3 years I have started to gain the weight back.... =(

I am currently at 184 =(

I have been stuck here for a few months now and I am sick of it!!

A few months back I tried a vegan diet, it lasted a little over a week, and then was too hard to follow.

I have been working with a trainer at the gym. 30 minutes twice a week. She is great at kicking my butt. She has been trying telling my to just cut down calories, 1200 per day is all I should need.

I started reading Rocco Dispirito's new book Now Eat This! Diet. He advocates a lower calorie (1200 for women to start) diet. Not cutting things out, just adjusting HOW we eat them. LOTS of recipes with lower calorie substitutes.

The diet starts in the MORNING!!! I am determined to start losing the weight! I am planning on blogging about the journey, sharing recipes that work (and maybe some that don't), and even workout tips (as I get more in shape). I am thinking that by blogging on here I will have more accountability than just doing it on my own. Who knows? Maybe this will work out well and I will by like the Julie & Julia woman! Doubtful, but you never know! HaHaHaHaHaHa

If anyone has suggestions/recipes/tips, please feel free to share!!

A Date!!!

Some people have asked me how I grow in my relationship to God through dating.... I have been struggling with an answer that would be worthy of writing a blog about.... well I got my inspiration today!!!!

I had a DATE!!! With a man we will call Pat.... Pat and I met on a dating website (yes I am on a dating website, but will NOT be much longer)... Pat is 42 (yes I know that is too "old" for me, but age is really just a #) and he has a 10 year old son from a previous marriage that ended a few years ago.....

We have been talking for a while now and I thought I had pre-screened him pretty well. He seemed to be fun, sarcastic, and very intelligent.

The only concern I had was his view on "religion"......His belief is that religions are crap. He thinks that religious people are nothing but lemmings, just following the flow over a cliff. He believes in questioning everything, and I really do mean EVERYTHING!!! (I didn't realize how bad it was until today though)

We met at Penn Station, he lives in Long Island, so I figured that would be the easiest, and a good excuse to head into the city. The whole way up I had a knot in my stomach. I wasn't worried about meeting him. I was worried about whether or not I would be able to defend my faith if the topic came up.... I prayed the whole train ride. I prayed for strength, clarity of mind, and knowledge.

I will be the first one to say that I don't know everything; I don't even know most things about the Bible. BUT, I do know that I believe in God; Jesus was the only Son of God (and was man and God at the same time); Jesus suffered and gave up his pure life to pay the price of my sins so that I can have a relationship with God; and the Bible is the word of the Lord, so above all I want to know the Bible and follow the teachings in the Bible.

Right off the bat when we met, the Lord gave me the strength to stand up and not back down on my point of view. He was very judgmental of everyone around him. Then we walked over to Central Park, talking a little bit along the way. He looked at the tattoo on my foot:

and said "Do you want to explain that?" I explained that it is the first part of John 14:6 in the original Greek and that it translates to mean "I am the way, and the truth, and the life". The response I got was unexpected. He asked why.... I gave my standard response that I like having the constant reminder of what is really important in life, and where I need to keep my focus.... His response was why.. We went back and forth for at least 15 blocks with the answer & why talk, all stemming from my tattoo. Finally when it became obvious that no quality or quantity of answers would stop the whys I asked a question.....

"If you are so against religion, don't believe in the Bible, and that only morons who don't think have faith, then why are you asking all these questions?"

"Because I like knowledge for the sake of knowledge"

After walking around the park for a little bit, it started rain, so we took shelter under a tree.....

It was there that I sat on a bench and watched Central Park go by in the rain. I watched people go by under umbrellas; watched was the rain dripped off the leaves and poured down through the holes in the canopy of leaves. It was beautiful, a break of pure God given beauty and majesty in the middle of midtown Manhattan!

During this break in the walking we got to talking about the difference between our views. Pat explained that he has a hunger to know EVERYTHING. When I asked why the answer I got was "it makes me feel better". He asked why I don't want to know everything.

And it was then; in the rain that it truly hit me. I DON'T want to know everything, because I don't NEED to know everything. The Lord provides me with all that I need. And I can take shelter in my knowledge that if there is something I need to know I will know it. I find peace in being able to see the beauty in the life that the Lord has placed about me. I don't need to know where the water evaporated from that created to the rain in order to appreciate its beauty and splendor.

I told him all of this and he told me that he envied my simpleton mindset!!

It was then that it was time to head back. On the walk back the wind picked up and the rain continued. I was cold, and I was wet, but I was warm on the inside. We made it back to Penn Station and parted ways.

On the way home on the train, I said a prayer; a prayer of thanks and praise. The Lord has allowed me to have a relationship with him, and he has allowed me to grow in my knowledge of him and his love and grace. He has blessed me with the strength to say that I want him to be the center of my world. I want a man who accepts the Lord and who also has a relationship with the Lord!!



Mother's Love

As I have started to walk the path of Christianity I am learning a lot of the differences between the Christian variations in the world. I have also learned how the different sects of Christianity deal with each other and see each other. I was raised Catholic. Growing up, I never quite understood the role of the Blessed Virgin. Recently I have spent time with some other Christians who saw Mary's role in the Catholic Church as pure idolatry. I could understand and respect that position. However, the judgment and anger behind the position left me with more questions about how we as Christians should respond to these issues.

I took my questions to our church administrator. She has been such an amazing blessing in my life on this journey. She is a Catholic, but above all she believes in the Bible, the teachings of Jesus, and God's love and grace. I will never be able to thank her enough for the love, grace, and peace she has brought into my life. I admire her strength, wisdom, and faith more than I can express. She and I sat down a couple of weeks ago and spoke about the role of the Blessed Virgin in the church. She basically left me with the wisdom that it isn't that she worships the Blessed Virgin, but that she asks for help from one mother's heart to another.

I'm going to be 100% honest here and say that I really had NO idea what she meant. I understood the words, but not the magnitude..... until today.

I went to my friend's church this morning for a daily mass. I really felt the need to go to a mass today for Jimmy, and decided to try her church. My friend met me there and held my hand throughout, giving me strength. In the chapel behind the alter, there were big windows that overlooked a small garden with a statue of Mary and Jesus. It was a hot day; the sun was shining brightly through the clear windows. The lush greenery and brightly colored pink and purple flowers seemed to be rising around, protecting, a white stone statue of the Blessed Virgin holding her young son, Jesus, in her arms.

It was there, looking at this statue that I finally understood!! And I realized sitting there in that chapel, that I don't know the true pain of loss, and God willing, I never will. But, the Blessed Virgin did, and my mother does, and most mothers probably have some sort of a clue about what real pain is.

The Lord blesses us with children to raise. They are not our children, they are God's children. He entrusts us with the responsibility to raise them, just as he entrusted Mary over 2000 years ago. Mary raised Jesus the best she could, which is all any mother today can do. Jesus chose to follow his father, to love those around him, and to spread his father's love throughout the world, just as most parents would want their child to do today (just as Jimmy did). Jesus went to the cross freely, he knew that the Lord had a plan for him, and he wanted to fulfill the plan. Jimmy's great line was always "the Lord has a plan for me, it isn't my job to know the plan, and it is just my job to live the plan".

Jesus took the sin of the world upon himself and he suffered with our sins as he hung on the cross. And as he suffered, his mother watched. The mother who nursed him, who watched him grow, who loved and protected him, watched as he hung on the cross. She watched as he took up the crosses of the world, and suffered all the way to his death. I can't begin to imagine the pain that this must have caused Mary. To stand back and watch the son she loved suffer without being about to do anything to take away his pain must have been unbearable for her.

Mary really does have a mother's heart. She knows a mother's pain and suffering. I know that The Lord's has freely blessed me with his love and grace. I know that Jesus Christ sacrificed his life to save mine, and to give me the gift of the new covenant. I also know that a mother who asks for the Lord's help through the strength of the Blessed Virgin will still be blessed with love, grace, and renewed life through the new covenant.

4 Years!

I have been trying to plan this blog for over a month. I wanted to express how hard it is to believe that Jimmy is dead (and not just on a crazy long deployment). I wanted to express how much I miss him. I wanted to express how empty the world feels at times without him here. And I really wanted to express how hard it is to believe that it has been FOUR years already. I have written bits and pieces, and then I have trashed them and started again. As I sat down last night to start typing, I realized that no matter how long I write, or how eloquently I express myself, my words will never be enough to adequately show the size of the hole in my heart and my world without Jimmy here. I miss him 365 days a year, not just 1 or 2.

As I have thought and planned, my heart has been calling to God for answers. Why Jimmy? Why then? Why NOT me? These are all questions that I have asked a million times before. But this year I have started to see the answers and the blessings that have come after........  (I am NOT saying that the hurt is any less, or that I am glad this happened in any way shape or form!!)

Jimmy had faith!! Jimmy KNEW, without a doubt, that the Lord loved him and that he was saved through the Lord's love and grace!! He told me a couple of times (once right before he deployed the last time) that the Lord had a plan for him, and that he didn't care what the plan was, he just wanted to live it. I believe that the Lord's plan for Jimmy was to use him to bring other's together, and to show others the Lord's love.

I want to thank Daniel & Ramee Larson for bringing peace. Daniel and Jimmy were in the same unit in the Marine Corps. Daniel invited Jimmy to church. The Larsons introduced Jimmy to the Freedom Worship Center (http://www.fwcjax.org/). Through the wonderful family he found there (including the Larsons, David & Beth Love, Jarrod Plumley, Rob Bourque, and Chip Perry, just to name a few). He also met some other wonderful Christians while he was in NC (including the Howells and Sonny). I am forever indebted to all of these people. You showed Jimmy the Lord's love. You saved him. Through your love for the Lord and for Jimmy, you have brought peace in the knowledge that Jimmy has gone home to his heavenly father.

I lost my only brother 4 years ago, but I gained countless other brothers and sisters. We as a family have managed to maintain some key relationship with others who loved Jimmy. We have spent time with them, kept in touch through facebook and cell phones, we have seen some get married, and seen others expand their family. It brings an overwhelming feeling of peace to know that in some (although probably small) way Jimmy impacted all of these peoples lives. He showed them the love that the Lord showed him. He offered them a Jimmy hug when needed, and shot them a Jimmy smile all the time!

It took me almost 3 years to see that Jimmy was right. The Lord is good!! His plan is good!!! Through Jimmy's faith I have finally found my faith. I have found Christians like those that Jimmy found. They love through my faults, they SHOW God's love. I have finally accepted the Lord's love and grace into my life. I have been trying to live my life as best as I can. I have become a Middle School Leader and I love showing the children God's love. I pray often that the children may learn from my mistakes and not live in the darkness for as long as I did.

Today will be a hard day. There is no doubt in my mind that I will cry. I will probably continue to ask God "why', but I do know the answer is "because I said so"!

I have faith in the Lord. I have faith that Jimmy was saved. And for the first time I have faith that through trust in the Lord, he is showing the answers to all of the questions and heal all wounds.

Talking

We all know that I can talk.... I can talk a LOT.... but this time of year talking becomes very difficult.

I have told my story countless times. I have told people how we lost Jimmy, what he meant to me, about his relationship to the Lord,  and how he brought me back to Christ. I tell people all the time that I am fine talking about it, and most of the time I am. But this time of year is tough.....

Writing is easier than talking.... however just writing isn't an option this year....

I volunteered to do the talk this week for Middle School Group. Every week a leader will talk on a topic that is relevant to the kid's lives but also based in the Bible.... My last talk was on the story of Daniel and how what is popular isn't always right and what is right isn't always popular.... That was an easy talk.....

This week my talk is based off the blog I wrote a few days ago called Anniversary (if you haven't read it, you should, I actually liked it, and that rarely happens).

I know that the kids will understand the talk, and I am pretty sure that at least 2-3 of he kids will actually take the talk to heart. I pray that the talk will help at least 1.

My fear for tomorrow night is me. I know that this is going to be emotional. I also know that the kids ask questions, most of which I doubt I will think of ahead of time. I am not sure that I will be able to make it through without crying (and those of you who know me, know I don't cry in public). I am praying that I will find the strength to make it through, and the peace of mind to know that I am delivering a good message, and that I am delivering the message in a way that the kids will really take it to heart an not make the same mistakes I did.

If you think about it please say a prayer for me!! Thank you!!!

Christian "Dating"

(BE WARNED…. This is not meant for younger eyes. This is also a LOT of generalization. This is in NO WAY directed at anyone!!!)

I have been "single" since 2007. I dated before I found God's love and I have dated since I have found God's love. I've learned a LOT about myself, and a lot about the "real world".... these are just some ramblings....

For those of you who don't know, when Jimmy passed away I was engaged to a man I had been with for over 5 years. That just gives a basis to the idea that in 2007 I was half of an "old married couple". It was comfortable. When we broke up all that changed....

When I first became single I was out to have fun, lots of fun, where-ever I could find fun, and I was perfectly ok if I found "adult" fun along the way. I'm not saying I was a whore, but I was looking for fun. Finding fun was easy, a little too easy. Guys liked to spend time with me, and I was dating... A LOT!!... The problems would start when I would look for more than fun. Find substance just didn't happen. I learned that "love" has a whole different meaning in a physical relationship.

That was when I decided that I wanted more than physical.... I learned that there was more to life than physical, and that the non-physical was what made a relationship good!! I like watching movies, walking, going out for dinner, talking, going mini-golfing, shopping, etc.... There is more to life than a bedroom!! This is when dating started to get harder. Getting a first date was still easy. But then, as I would spend time, it would either get physical, or fizzle.

Now I am to the point where I am not interested with getting physical until I am married.... WOW... try telling that to a guy!!!! That pretty much kills anything and everything the minute it come out. Don't get me wrong.... I don't look like


Although I have wondered how much one of these puppies would set me back, it may make life easier!!!
I have tried to date "Christian" men... I have also learned that the term "Christian" means a LOT of different things to different people. I have also learned that (for the most part), men between 27-42 have trouble thinking with their real brain! I know this shouldn't be a shock, but it is dis-heartening.

I have a lot of friends who are married to wonderful Christian men. However, most of them met their husbands YEARS ago, in high school, or longer.

With all of this said, over the last 4 years I have learned a LOT about what I want and what I don't want. I want an attraction, but I don't want a purely physical relationship. I want a sweetheart, but I don't want someone that won't stand up to me. I want someone who wants to go out and try new things, but is ok curling up w/ a good movie or a good book. And above all, I want someone who is centered on his faith in God, but is also ok sharing his faith with me. I want a Christ centered man and a Christ centered life.......

With all of this said.... I am still VERY happy with my life. A lot of people in my life have tried to set me up with people. I have tried online dating. I am done. I am 100% done with all of that. I have faith. I have faith that the Lord has a plan for me. I have faith that the Lord loves me; and because he loves me, the plan is a GOOD plan. I have faith that if I am intended to find my "match", then I will. If I'm not intended to get married, then I won't. And that is OK with me.

For the first time in my life, I am setting aside my "Type A", leo type, personality. It is a little scary, but I KNOW that the Lord provides all that we need.

Anniversary

Tomorrow is an anniversary… not one I celebrate, but one I mourn; not one I look forward to, but one I try to hide from; not one I talk about, but one I am ashamed of.

Four years ago tomorrow was the last time I spoke to Jimmy. Four years ago tomorrow, I showed how horrible and undeserving of the Lord’s love I truly am.

I was at the Keyport Fireman’s fair, setting up the beer tent for the night, when Jimmy called. He called to ask for my help, and instead of help I gave him my hurt and anger.

I had pushed my wedding back a full year, so that he would be out of the Marine Corps and be able to be there. My wedding was pretty well set before Jimmy met Becca. But then Jimmy met Becca, and they decided to get married. The problem was that Becca wanted to get married right away (15 months from 1^st meeting to walking down the aisle) and Jimmy was fine with it. While Jimmy had been deployed he asked me to help Becca plan the wedding, she knew I wasn’t happy that their wedding would be before mine and said she didn’t need any help in planning. When Jimmy returned from his deployment nothing was planned, except the date (a year before mine because I had pushed mine back).

On July 16, 2007 Jimmy called me to vent and to ask me to help him plan the wedding. I could hear the frustration in his voice. Above all, Jimmy wanted a beautiful wedding filled with God’s love. Instead of offering to help, I started a fight. I told him how angry I was that he had let her plan the wedding before mine, that he was sticking up for her, even though she obviously didn’t care about anything, other than beating me to get married. Jimmy defended her and told me how much they loved each other. I laughed at him and told him they hadn’t spent enough time together to know love. I also told him that I wasn’t going to the wedding, I was in a black out at work, and obviously his future wife didn’t give a shit that his family worked for a living when she picked the date…. And then I hung up on him…. That was it…

That was the LAST time I spoke with Jimmy. He died a week later, before I had the chance to apologize.

Not a day goes by that I don’t regret those words, the selfishness in my heart, or the anger that lived in me that day. The only regret that I have in my almost 28 years on this planet is that I didn’t have a chance to tell my brother how much I loved him and how proud of him I was. I can NOT express/explain how much it hurts to live with what I said and how I acted every day. Although just about everyone I know has told me that Jimmy KNOWS, he knows I love him and he knows I’m sorry, the hurt and the guilt don’t go away. I know that Jimmy loved me, and I know that I loved him, but my last words to him were in anger and hate and were 100% WRONG. I knew Becca loved him and loved us, but at that moment nothing except my selfishness mattered. That is something that I know I will always live with. I have made it a point since then not to stay mad at anyone in my life.

I understand that the Lord beings people into and out of our lives, but I will never again harbor anger towards people he has brought to me. I may not agree with people, and I sometimes get annoyed, but I just take a deep breath and say the serenity prayer. I know that it is too little and too late for Jimmy, but the Lord has shown me the light toward the future.

I am currently writing from a bench at the boardwalk under a beautiful full moon. A bench I know Jimmy and I sat on and talked. A moon I know we looked at a million times from our backs in the front yard. I will never again be able to share these things with him. We won’t run around catching lightning bugs again. I will never be able to go to the Chatterbox with him and talk. There won’t be any more water fights. And I will never have the chance to feel his arms wrap around me in a Jimmy Hug (like a bear hug but a million times better).

He will never REALLY see me healthy. See how close the family has become. Or know how much I love him and miss him.

1John2- ¹⁰Whoever loves his brother lives in the light, and there is nothing in him to make him stumble. ¹¹But whoever hates his brother is in the darkness and walks around in the darkness; he does not know where he is going, because the darkness has blinded him

Jimmy saw the light; he loved everyone around him, even those of us who didn’t deserve it. I was in the dark. I was blind…. But now I see….

Better Than My Plan

I know it has been a while since my last post, but I promise to start writing more.....


If you met me 10 years ago would you want to be my friend? I hope not.
If you met me 4 years ago would you want to be my friend? I hope not.
If you met me today would you want to be my friend? I don't know, and that's ok!

If you met me 10 years ago and asked me where I would be in 10 years; my answer would be simple, married 2.5 children, a dog, a home owner, a history teacher and living the "perfect life.

If you met me 4 years ago and asked me where I would be in 4 year; my answer would be simple, married, at least 1 child, a couple of dogs, maybe a small house, probably working retail, and enjoying a simple life.

I NEVER would have imagined that I would be unemployed, living at home, never married, with no children, and no perspective of any of the "dreams" from 10 or even 4 years ago coming true.

With all of that said, and with shock in my own heart, I honestly feel so blessed and loved to have my life just the way it is!


A couple of weeks ago our pastor at church said something that has been playing over and over in my head and has really brought me peace. To paraphrase, he said that the Lord has a plan for all of us. Sometimes the plan is marriage and a ton of kids running around, sometimes it isn't.

4 years ago Jimmy told me that the Lord has a plan for all of us. It isn't our job to understand the plan, it isn't our job to run the plan, and it isn't our job to question the plan. It is only our job to live the plan.


I may not be married, but I have WONDERFUL friends who are married, who include me without making me a 3rd wheel, and who show how the Lord's love really is the center of the covenant of marriage.

I may not be seeing/dating/going steady/in a romantic relationship/ or whatever else you want to call it, but I have FABULOUS friends who still make time for girl time, who still invite me to try new things, and who wear the Lord's love on their sleeves.

I may not have children of my own, but I have lots that I can borrow, play with, and watch/help grow. I have FANTASTIC families who have invited me into their lives and who trust me with their children, and include me in their lives. I also have friends who have chosen to honor us by keeping my family; and particularly Jimmy alive in their lives by naming their sons after Jimmy. Some of “my” children have been medical blessings and others are medical mysteries, but they are ALL blessings in my life.

I may not have my own house, but I am blessed to have the BEST parents, who love me, support my decisions, and let me demo and remodel their house, even when they don't love my choice in color, they still love me.

I never became a teacher, but I still have a passion to teach and show, whether it is talking to people about history, going to a museum with friends, helping a kid (pre-teen) understand why history is important in their life, or just showing someone the Lord's love. I don’t have to have a certificate, or take a test to be a teacher, just have passion and love those around me.

I may be unemployed right now, but the Lord has used this time to bring me closer to him in my own community and halfway across the world in Croatia. He has opened up my heart and showed me his love and grace, none of which I deserve, but yet he gives it to me freely.


My life has NOT followed my plan for it. And I absolutely do NOT understand the Lord's plan for me. But I LOVE this plan and all of the people that this plan has brought into my life. I KNOW that there is a reason why each and every one of you is my friend. Some of the relationships, I understand, and some I don't yet, but I am blessed to have you in my life and I can't thank you enough for being with me through this perfectly planned plan that is completely beyond our understanding!