How will you be remembered?

This is my Great Uncle Billy... He was my Grandmother's brother... He passed away on July 2nd, and yesterday was his memorial service.

I don't have a lot of vivid memories of Uncle Billy. The only vivid memories I have are from a bbq at his house in Neptune. I remember Uncle Billy saying "get me a beer", and a beer showing up. I also remember the garden by the driveway, the recliner and shag carpet inside. The thing I remember the most vividly was the TON of clams and the pot of melted butter.

This doesn't surprise me... Grandma's FAVORITE food was always steamer clams. There were a lot of similarities between Uncle Billy and my Grandmother. They were both extremely strong, stern (in their own ways), and loving (in their own ways), but above all they were strong. They held their families together and kept their families pushing through, no matter what.

Today's memorial and the events of the past week have had me thinking a lot about how I will be remembered when I pass. (Don't worry, I'm not planning on going any time soon, but you never know.) I have been wondering how people will remember me, and how other people thought they would be remembered, as well as how we REALLY remember those we love after they pass. How do we want to be remembered? Is that how we will be remembered? Is that how the Lord will see us?

Three of Uncle Billy's seven children spoke at the service today. Each one of them spoke from the heart, and each of them struggled to show Uncle Billy in a "good light". They all remembered his strength, but they also remembered his sternness, his toughness, how closed minded he was, and his inability to relax and enjoy life (until his later years). During the sermon the priest spoke about how Uncle Billy was saved by his savior. I got to thinking; I don't think I ever heard of Uncle Billy going to church (except for weddings and funerals).

Through all this I kept thinking and wondering if that was how Uncle Billy wanted to be remembered? I remember Uncle Billy as the type of man who made things happen, an "actions speak louder than words" kind of man. I think the true remembrance is in his family. All of his 7 children are strong willed and wonderful adults. His 13 grandchildren have also begun to show the strong willed and stubbornness that Uncle Billy was known for. Because of Uncle Billy, his family will be able to hold their heads high and know that they have the ability to stand up for what they feel is right, stand against injustices, and conquer anything they put their minds to.

Jimmy is remembered as a brother, son, friend, lifeguard, swimmer, drummer, Marine, and goofball. But when I sat and thought about it, and prayed about it, I really think he would have rather been remembered as a servant.  Jimmy spent his life helping those around him, even before he started following the teachings of Jesus Christ. Jimmy loved those around him and always did whatever he could to cheer up those around him. I know that we all have special memories of Jimmy, but I think he would want to be remembered as a servant of Christ and Christ's message.

That lead me to the question of how I want to be remembered.... Recently a few people (at different times) have told me that I have a "servant's heart". That simple statement has brought such joy and conflict to my heart. It makes me so happy because I want nothing more than to do whatever I can to help those around me in whatever way I can. However, it also weighs heavy on my heart, because it is an honor I don't deserve. I don't do a lot, I'm not an inspiration, I  don't do anything special, I haven't saved a life, or pulled anyone out of trouble. I don't feel like I follow the Lord as I should and I want to be a better Christian, a better witness of Jesus's love and God's compassion. I want to really make a difference and help people!! I pray that the Lord will continue to guide me and continue to bless me with his love and grace. I pray that I will find a job that will allow me to do more to help people. I pray that his will is for me to be a blessing to those around me in any way that I can be. I honestly don't care how the people here on earth will remember me. I pray that I can show everyone I meet at least a little bit of God's love and I pray that they will show that love to someone else and pay it forward, that is what I hope and pray for, that I be forgotten but that the love I showed live on.