I have been "single" since 2007. I dated before I found God's love and I have dated since I have found God's love. I've learned a LOT about myself, and a lot about the "real world".... these are just some ramblings....
For those of you who don't know, when Jimmy passed away I was engaged to a man I had been with for over 5 years. That just gives a basis to the idea that in 2007 I was half of an "old married couple". It was comfortable. When we broke up all that changed....
When I first became single I was out to have fun, lots of fun, where-ever I could find fun, and I was perfectly ok if I found "adult" fun along the way. I'm not saying I was a whore, but I was looking for fun. Finding fun was easy, a little too easy. Guys liked to spend time with me, and I was dating... A LOT!!... The problems would start when I would look for more than fun. Find substance just didn't happen. I learned that "love" has a whole different meaning in a physical relationship.
That was when I decided that I wanted more than physical.... I learned that there was more to life than physical, and that the non-physical was what made a relationship good!! I like watching movies, walking, going out for dinner, talking, going mini-golfing, shopping, etc.... There is more to life than a bedroom!! This is when dating started to get harder. Getting a first date was still easy. But then, as I would spend time, it would either get physical, or fizzle.
Now I am to the point where I am not interested with getting physical until I am married.... WOW... try telling that to a guy!!!! That pretty much kills anything and everything the minute it come out. Don't get me wrong.... I don't look like
Although I have wondered how much one of these puppies would set me back, it may make life easier!!!
I have tried to date "Christian" men... I have also learned that the term "Christian" means a LOT of different things to different people. I have also learned that (for the most part), men between 27-42 have trouble thinking with their real brain! I know this shouldn't be a shock, but it is dis-heartening.
I have a lot of friends who are married to wonderful Christian men. However, most of them met their husbands YEARS ago, in high school, or longer.
With all of this said, over the last 4 years I have learned a LOT about what I want and what I don't want. I want an attraction, but I don't want a purely physical relationship. I want a sweetheart, but I don't want someone that won't stand up to me. I want someone who wants to go out and try new things, but is ok curling up w/ a good movie or a good book. And above all, I want someone who is centered on his faith in God, but is also ok sharing his faith with me. I want a Christ centered man and a Christ centered life.......
With all of this said.... I am still VERY happy with my life. A lot of people in my life have tried to set me up with people. I have tried online dating. I am done. I am 100% done with all of that. I have faith. I have faith that the Lord has a plan for me. I have faith that the Lord loves me; and because he loves me, the plan is a GOOD plan. I have faith that if I am intended to find my "match", then I will. If I'm not intended to get married, then I won't. And that is OK with me.
For the first time in my life, I am setting aside my "Type A", leo type, personality. It is a little scary, but I KNOW that the Lord provides all that we need.
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